He’s busy studying for a major exam that will allow him to work for whomever he wants and to make the kind of moves and money I probably won’t ever see (hey, columnists weren’t meant to be millionaires).
With all that drive comes a lot of time we don’t get to share together.
Try a new type of food (and pitch in to pay from time to time), or if you must stay cooped up in the house, pull out the Dominoes.
You don’t have to hit up a nightclub every weekend, but you definitely don’t want to spend too many weekends being the coupled up couch potatoes.
Some older fellas are flexible in trying new things (aka, the stuff you like), but what happens when you’re dealing with one who says, “I stopped hanging out at places like that in my 20s”?
Sometimes you just have to accept that you might be messing with a party pooper, and from there you will have to determine if his lack of spontaneity is enough to make you leave because you feel you’re being held back.
Instead of cussing them good, just say, “No comment.” Don’t come in thinking you’ve found a sugar daddy, or that because he’s older he will have his life together and be wise. He might be in a world of debt and have a sideways way of thinking as opposed to an IRA account and a wealth of wisdom from past experiences.
Every man is different, and sometimes change of self doesn’t come with a change in age.
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I’ve heard so many different rules about dating someone older, and they all boil down to a magic number: “Don’t date anyone more than ten years older,” or “Marriages never work if there’s more than fifteen years’ difference.” People love rules, telling themselves that abiding by them will cause them to get hurt less. The most important rule to follow is a general one: Make sure the two of you have the same goals for the relationship and for your daily life together. Think about whether you want to get married; have a big or tiny wedding; have children; be with someone who already has kids; live in the future in the same town or city where you’ve been dating; move somewhere far or close; have extended family very involved or not very involved in your life; have a relationship where you socialize almost always together or often; have a partner who’s more of a social butterfly or homebody; and have a partner who is very involved or not very involved in extracurricular activities. Psychological Age You’ve probably heard someone say, “He seems young for his age,” or “She’s so young at heart.” Though we all have a chronological age, we also have what I refer to as a ‘psychological age.’ How old do you feel, for example? In addition, ask yourself what the psychological age is of your prospective older partner. Again, use those early months of a relationship to gauge whether your sexualities are congruent enough.
Early on I used to have a fit every week about what he could do to make more time for me, but at a certain point, after some compromising, you end up just trying to be supportive and patient.
Besides, I wouldn’t want the finger pointed at me for having a part in keeping him from doing what he needs to do to get ahead.
Don’t start changing things about yourself to mold into wifey-material, just because he knows he wants to settle down soon.