Friends and family tell their single friends to just ‘get out there’ and suggest ever more and more bizarre (and undignified) suggestions of how to meet a partner (things that they would never dream of doing) without realising that they’ve tried it all.For me, once I accepted that I was never going to be a mother, I lost interest in dating for a few years.You’ve even tried some of the stuff you thought you’d never do.
I realised how babymania had been what sustained me through the endless hope/despair cycle of internet dating and once that was gone, so was my appetite for internet dating.
I dipped my toe back in the water early this year for a few months but I was relieved when my ‘three month trial’ was up.
Although not having a partner features in many of the stories of those of us born in the 1960s (like myself), it doesn’t compare to the frequency with which those born in the 1970s seem to be experiencing it.
The UK Office for National Statistics has a fairly blunt recording tool – live births by the last day of a woman’s 45th year – so it won’t be for another decade that we’ll have the full data.
We know you’re only trying to help, we know you mean well.
But please stop and actually start treating us like grown-up women again, not an embarrassing problem to be fixed. She set up the Gateway Women friendship and support network in 2011 to support, inspire and empower childless women as they develop meaningful and fulfilling lives without children.I know some of these ‘spinsters’ personally and have met many others through Gateway Women, and a wonderfully kind, funny, attractive and diverse bunch they are.But having been made the scapegoat for some of the unexpected consequences of the huge social changes of the last 45 years, many of them seem to bear their situation as a mark of Think about it, if you were a single man in your forties looking to ‘settle down’, would you choose to date women your own age who may already be unable to conceive naturally (or at all) or would you set your ‘age criteria’ box on your dating selection to meet women several years younger than that?The great thing about being out the other side of my grief and rocking my Plan B is that there’s no hurry anymore.Because even if I remain single till the day I die, life looks wonderfully rich and full from here. If I had known that it were possible to feel like this, that becoming a mother were something that I could get through and recover from, it would have made a huge difference.It’s called ‘social infertility’ and it’s affecting a huge number of women in their 30s and 40s in the UK.